it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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