it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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