I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
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He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
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I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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