I can feel you judging me through the phone.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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