Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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