I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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