this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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