I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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