Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
this boner is exhausting
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
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Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize