I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
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When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
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I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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