8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
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