U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Vodka?
Forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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