im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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