Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You dont lie about slip and slides
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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