Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize