one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize