he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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