I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
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She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
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I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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