u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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