The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
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remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
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I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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