i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize