Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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