Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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