What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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