yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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