A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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