You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
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the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
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