who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
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does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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