4 words: hood of his car
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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