god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Randomize