i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
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hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
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I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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