You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
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He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
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I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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