Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize