I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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