please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I am available for nakedness
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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