when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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