I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize