Sry I called you an 8
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
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its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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