I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
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my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize