I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
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dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
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Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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