1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize