I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
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I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
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It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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