Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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