I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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