Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
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hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
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I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
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