I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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