It's like a parade of train wrecks.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
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