3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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