You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
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She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I need moral support for this bender
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
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