At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize